TAX QUOTES

Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.

The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift - is taxes.  (W. Feather)

In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.  (Benjamin Franklin)              [Don's Corollary: Now, of course, there's also shipping and handling]

Foreign Aid - taxing poor people in rich countries for the benefit of rich people in poor countries.  (Bernard Rosenberg)

Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund.  (F.J. Raymond)

You know it's a bad day when your income tax refund check bounces.

I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile.  I tried -- but they wanted cash.  (Anonymous)

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?  (Peg Bracken)

Any reasonable system of taxation would be based on the slogan of 'Soak the Rich'.  (Heywood Broun)

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.       (Will Rogers)

Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.          (Herman Wouk)

The income tax people are very nice. They're letting me keep my own mother.      (Henny Youngman)

There is only one thing worse than the flu season; the tax season. You can recover from the flu.

The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.

Bumper sticker: Save Our Trees. Stop Printing Tax Forms!

All the taxes paid over a lifetime by the average American are spent by the government in less than a second.  (Jim Fiebig)

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss.       (Lazarus Long)

I owe the government $3,400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat.  (Sue Murphy)

I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is -- I could be just as proud for half the money.  (Arthur Godfrey)

Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.  (H. L. Mencken)

Death and taxes are inevitable; at least death doesn't get worse every year.

There is nothing more permanent than a temporary tax.

Taxpayers don't have to take a civil service exam to work for the government.

There is only one way to kill capitalism--by taxes, taxes, and more taxes.

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.  (Oscar Wilde)

A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something right.

Logic and taxation are not always the best of friends.  (Supreme Court Justice McReynolds)

The First Rule of Practicing Tax Law: If someone has to go to jail, make sure it's the client.  (Fred Drasner, co-publisher of the New York Daily News)

There is one difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist - the taxidermist leaves the hide. (Mortimer Caplin)

Taxation WITH representation ain’t so hot either. (Gerald Barzan)

Nothing hurts more than having to pay an income tax, unless it is not having to pay an income tax.  (Thomas Robert Dewar)

I have nothing against the income tax. It's just that every time my ship comes in, the government unloads it.  (Unknown)

We may not be able to imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex -- but Congress can.  (Cullen Hightower)

One can be born free and then be taxed to death.  (Unknown)

We wonder why they call them "tax returns" when so little of it does.  (Unknown)

Nuclear physics is much easier than tax law. It's rational and always works the same way.  (Jerold Rochwald)

Tax reform means: Don’t tax you, don’t tax me. Tax that fellow behind the tree.  (Russell Long)

We at the Spectator think of tax cuts, in fact, a bit like we think of sex. When they are good, they are very, very good. And when they are bad, they are still pretty good.  (Alfred Regnery, American Spectator, March 2004)

The hardest thing to understand in the world is the income tax. (Albert Einstein)

I like to pay taxes. With them I buy civilization. (Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.)

I want to find a voracious, small-minded predator and name it after the IRS. (Robert Bakker)

Taxes are what we pay for civilized society.  (Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., U.S. Supreme Court Justice)

The power of taxing people and their property is essential to the very existence of government.  (James Madison, U.S. President)

To tax and to please, no more than to love and to be wise, is not given to men.  (Edmund Burke, 18th Century Irish political philosopher and British statesman)

People who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women.  (Unknown)

No government can exist without taxation. This money must necessarily be levied on the people; and the grand art consists of levying so as not to oppress.  (Frederick the Great, 18th Century Prussian king)

Like mothers, taxes are often misunderstood, but seldom forgotten.   (Lord Bramwell, 19th Century English jurist)

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return.  It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. (Arthur C. Clarke, author)

A tax loophole is something that benefits the other guy. If it benefits you, it is tax reform.  (Russell B. Long, U.S. Senator)

Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an income tax form.  (Laurence J. Peter, author)

Taxation with representation ain’t so hot either.  (Gerald Barzan, humorist)

Where there is an income tax, the just man will pay more and the unjust less on the same amount of income.  (Plato)

On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.  (Tom Lehrer)